Saturday, 4 July 2015

A kinky alien

Last night was a hot night like the past two weeks. London is subjected to its worst heatwave in recorded history. It was no surprise that last night saw some thunder. I was awakened more by the flash of light than the sound. Something pushed me to have a look through the window on our back door leading to our garden.

And there he was. Well I assume he was a he as his features were masculine like, very muscly, very bulky, very grey and definitely not human.

I should have been scared but I wasn't. I was as if I was in a trance. He comes closer and, without touching the door handle, opens the door. I step back but then completely freeze. My body is no longer responsive, as if it is at his command.

We are in the living room. I like minimalistic decorations so we have a lot of space. In that space, there is a wooden box with a complex lock on it. It is not numbers you need to match but letters. The password is KINKY.

I should be scared but I am not. It is as if, in my bones I know that I will not be harmed.

Needless to say, he found the box and opened it. He looks at me puzzled. I say they are toys. He looks as if he doesn't understand. Somehow, I understand he wants me to visualise what they are for.

He lifts the flogger without touching and then looks at me. So there I am, visualizing him flogging me on my buttocks and my shoulders while kneeling by the sofa. He looks at me even more intrigued and motions me to go by the sofa. I think I know where this is going. I remove my top and my bra and I position myself.

He starts striking but very lightly. I try to think of him striking harder. I think he understood as he does it much better. I try to visualise that it is enough and he stops.

I see him looking at the box and he pulls out my ropes. He looks puzzled. I try to imagine a simple breast tie. This time I imagine myself doing it. He gives me the ropes and I tie myself up. He looks like he quite like that.

I see the sun starting to come out. Mr Alien makes me understand that he has to leave but will come back tomorrow night and that he would like to do more of these toys.

Oh boy, have I perverted an alien?

Friday, 3 July 2015

Submission - how easy it seems to come...

I have now been back on my road to submission for a week now and it is surprising how natural it feels to me. I have given up things that were not necessarily good for me and doing it within the dynamics completely remove the "oh I so miss it, I have to have it, I so have to have it" case. Because I am doing as part of my submission, there is no point thinking about it, it is so not going to happen.

I am faced with the challenges now of incorporating my submission into my every day life.

I so wanted to have these challenges, to do something positive for me & also have someone I could trust to push me that little bit forward.

Photography - writing

These are the areas I want to pursue in my own personal development. I want to be able to do both on equal basis and to do well. Someone today suggested I should become a professional photographer. I don't think I am at that level yet but I am definitely not bad and I have skills, an eye for the beautiful and quirky.

I have a feeling that my submission will help me develop these 2 areas, possibly because my Master is also a keen photographer and I have a few friends who happen to write eroticas, including my previous Dom.

I need to develop the Artist me.

Thursday, 2 July 2015


I am on my journey to submission again, with a new person and it looks like we may stick together. We may have found the right blend of glue.

I am quite excited by that, in the sense that this relationship will correspond to me getting to another level of submission, one that is quite close to 24/7 in the sense that I am contactable all the time and can be required to perform tasks anytime outside working hours.

We are starting slow, rightly so. But I am very excited by this as it will enable me to indulge in that side of me that has been latent and not exploited properly.

What is fantastic is that there is someone out there who is happy to control me as I want to be controlled, like 2 sides of a coin, making us complete. If one side is missing, we are still a coin but not a fully functional one.

I know in me that I am very submissive, borderline slave. In as much as I don't identify as a slave at present, I can see that happening in the future. That may sound surprising considering my strong personality but I don't think it is incompatible being a slave and a strong person. But I need to know first what it is like to be a submissive in a proper dynamic.

So here I am, on my way to meet my Master and thus lose my freedom.

No regrets in life

Yes, the title says it all.

There is no point regretting in life. The only thing regrets do is poison your mind.

I have reached a level of inner happiness that I have never experienced before because I am now fully me and am learning to master that last skill: not to let my husband hurt me by making me angry.

The way I have been trying to live my life for the past few years is that good things and bad things will inevitably happen to you. The trick is how you react to them. You can let the bad things get to you, or not. It will change nothing to the situation but it will change the way you feel.

Similarly, I have made decisions in my life that could have been better. I could have done thongs differently. Well I didn't. So there is no point beating about the bush.

I see all these youngs assuming their life choices and they are happy. I wished I had been as brave and adventurous when I was their age. Well I wasn't. I did different things. I should not regret.

Basically what I am saying is you live the life you are meant to live. You make decisions. You live with the consequences of these decisions, whatever they are. But there is no point second guessing on the what if.

There is a French saying: What if we could put  Paris in a bottle.

I'll let you ponder on this.

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

Eh Summer is here

Yes, summer is here but it is now too hot.

Last week, we were saying it was too cold for summer and now it is too hot.

We're never happy with our lot, aren't we!

I so want a bath when I get home. Except I won't be able too as I'll have to pick up the kid, prepare his tea, give him a shower... Well, be a mum. My time only starts at 20:30, this is me and fun time.

What I want to give my Master for the support he gives me

Basically, I want to give my Master my body and soul within the limits that have been agreed.

I want to give my body for him to play with, to tease, to torture. Do note that nipples are a very sensitive area so, if you want to play there, you have to lock my hands behind my back, otherwise you will have resistance, no matter how strong my submission is towards you. This is a given.

My body is all yours to do as you wish.

I want to give you my soul also but there are two sides to it: a submissive part and a cheeky bratty part. The submissive me will give you her obedience, her devotion. The submissive me will aim at pleasing you, making you happy. But the cheeky bratty part will aim at making you laugh, making sure you have fun or will wake the primal Master in you. She will give you challenges, that's for sure. But I want to give you that side of me.

I want to give you my violence and my need of being controlled through violence. I want to give you the opportunity to see what lies in the deepest part of me, the primal me where my soul is laid bare, where there is nowhere to hide.

But most of all, I want to give my Master my friendship and support back, listening to Him when He needs to, advising Him when He needs it, and just be there for Him when He needs me.

Tuesday, 30 June 2015

FetLife, you nearly sucked me in again

Yesterday I was on Fetlife a bit more, interacted with someone, checking what my friends were up to, seeing what events were there and slowly slowly I could see myself sinking into it again, checking bondage pictures, cat pictures.

As soon as I have realised what was happening, I have logged off.

FetLife is a big Monster that needs to be kept under control.

I have to hold it on a tight leash now.

Ummm, leash ... here's a thought.

Expect the unexpected...

Well, once again, the saying has proven accurate.

As I was gradually moving away from FetLife and some of the kink world, having taken back my gift of submission for lack of worthy recipient, there comes the almighty benevolent Master, ready to take me under his wings and his guidance.

And here I am, I have decided to join his dominion and am happily no longer free.

I think that my chains are very much escape proof. I am not going anywhere.

Monday, 29 June 2015

PRL, the day after

What a change from last month.

The organisers have arranged a discussion on various matters and it was great, including on how to approach people. This is common sense to ask but unfortunately, humans are shy creatures afraid of rejection and therefore we don't.

I had a really good time even if rope was only a small part of it. I saw friends, inc my ex, with who I had a very nice interaction and it was great. It also dreadfully help if you have someone already before attending.

Basically, I had a good day. I would have hated dropping PRL from the events I attend. I am dropping the Camden Crunch during the summer months as it is starting too late. It may reverse back in Autumn.

Today, I am tired but happy. 😊

Sunday, 28 June 2015

PRL, here I come.

Another half an hour and I am making my way to Peer Rope London.

Last time was a total disaster. This time, I hope my experience will be a more positive one.

I find that breaking into that scene is incredibly difficult. The worst is I am sure that there are riggers out there in need of a bunny and they are just faced with the same issues I am usually faced with.

Today, I come in better circumstances as I'll meet a rigger friend. I hope that my day will end on a positive note and not frustrated.